THE NARCISSIST'S EVIL AGENDA OF MASTERY AND CONTROL
By Synthia Esther
December 31, 2009
"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." - Luke 14:11
Narcissism. Baleful, threatening, with evil foreshadows and developments. An ominous word to those of us who have ever known a truly narcissistic personality type. Narcissistic persons are also termed and defined interchangeably, as sociopaths and psychopaths. Narcissism is defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV-R), the diagnostic classification system used in the United States, as "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy." The DSM Criteria, which begins by early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. A grandiose sense of self-importance
2. A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. A belief that he or she is "special" and unique
4. Requires excessive admiration
5. Has a sense of entitlement
6. Is inter-personally exploitative
7. Lacks empathy
8. Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
TWO MAIN BRANCHES OF EMPIRICAL STUDIES OF NARCISSISM RESEARCH, CLINICAL AND SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY
Treating and viewing narcissism hold among psychology experts, both divergent relation and yet, converge in relation at times.
Campbell and Foster (2007), decree that narcissists hold the following "basic ingredients":
- Positive. Narcissists think they are better than others.
- Inflated. Narcissists' views tend to be contrary to reality. In measure which compare self-report to objective measures, narcissists self-views tend to be greatly exaggerated.
- Agentic. Narcissists' view tend to be most exaggerated in the agentic domain, relative to the communion domain.
- Special. Narcissists perceive themselves to be unique and special people.
- Selfish. Research upon narcissists' behavior in resource dilemmas supports the case for narcissists as being selfish.
- Oriented toward success. Narcissists are oriented towards success by being, for example, approach oriented.
"Campell and Foster (2007) argue that self-regulatory strategies are of paramount importance to understanding narcissism. Self-regulation in narcissists involves such things as striving to make one's self look, feel positive, special, successful and important. It comes in both intra-psychic, such as blaming a situation rather than self for failure, and interpersonal forms, such as using a relationship to serve one's own self. Such differences in self-regulation between narcissists and non-narcissists can be seen with Campbell, Reeder, Sedikidess & Elliot (2000), who conducted a study in which two experiments were conducted.
"In both experiments, participants took part an achievement task following which they were provided with false feedback; it was either bogus success or failure. It was found that both narcissists and non-narcissists self-enhanced but non-narcissists showed more flexibility in doing so. Participants were measured on both a comparative and a non-comparitive self-enhancement strategy. It was found that both narcissists and non-narcissists employed the non-comparative strategy similarly. However, narcissists were found to be more self-serving with the comparative strategy, employing it far more, than non-narcissists, suggesting a greater rigidity with their self-enhancement. When narcissists receive negative feedback which threatens the self, they will self-enhance at all costs whereas non-narcissists tend to have limits," (Wikipedia).
SANDY HOTCHKISS'S SEVEN DEADLY SINS OF NARCISSISM:
Sandy Hotchkiss is author of the book, "Why Is It Always About You? - The Seven Deadly Sins Of Narcissism," listing those seven traits as:
- Magical Thinking
- Bad Boundaries
JAMES MASTERSON CONTENDS THERE ARE TWO SUB- CATEGORIES FOR PATHOLOGICAL NARCISSISM (EXHIBITIONIST AND CLOSET), WHICH DEVELOP DUE TO CHILDHOOD NURTURING PROBLEMS, USUALLY INFLICTED BY THE MOTHER.
- The Closet Narcissist is often described as having a deflated, inadequate self awareness, which extends to a heightened level of emptiness from within.
- The Exhibitionist Narcissist being described as having an inflated, grandiose sense of self. With little awareness of emptiness from within.
MY FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE WITH A NARSISSIST
Truth be known, it was my past relationship with a narcissistic, sex addicted man (Ryan - not his real name), that lead me onto my more devoted, God enlightened path. I have at the time of this writing, devoted myself for close to a decade, in educational pursuit, and spiritual journey home towards God's truth, love, and humility. I have always been a Christian, since the age of childhood. However, for a short time I drifted away from God's precepts and holy ordinances. It was during this very brief time period of personal confusion that Satan literally sent to my doorstep, "A narcissistic man, filled with evil intention."
Did he look evil?
No, to the contrary, he was one of the most kind, caring, devoted Christian men I had ever met in my entire life! His demeanor and smile were contagious. Deception, manipulation, and evil intent were at his hearts core, and I became the target of his seemingly, devoted affection. So I lovingly advise, "If you think it is too good to be true, it is!" For only God is too good, holy, and true. Men, women, will fail you. But God never will. He is a steadfast friend upon whom you can depend.
God's word is true as is written in Hosea 4:6, "My people perish for lack of knowledge." Oh, I had Biblical knowledge... I just didn't heed the knowledge I had. I also did not have worldly, street smarts. Now I am feeding God's sheep to know His word, name, and Satan's game. When one is faced with the reality of dark and sinister evil, their life cannot help but change. Unless they are of an evil mindset, and narcissistic too. Then it seems, "birds of a feather flock together."
This is primarily where some (not all), co-dependency personality types thrive. For much like an addict, often a co-dependent person is seeking control and mastery too. All of which are prompted by narcissistic self-motivated interest. The narcissistic co-dependent need's the addict in their life to "complete them." A narcissistic addict can be co-dependent as well, which lends relevance to Masterson's definition of "Closet Narcissism". Thus, the cycling pattern of highs and lows an addict / co-dependent go through, is in reality, a search for God. At addictions core is "idol" worship, which perpetually makes it's rounds. For anyone or anything placed above God is an idol. This is the core process of all addiction. The need for a substance, person, place, or thing, is a false substitute for God. Only God can complete you. Only the power of His Holy Spirit can help and enable an addict to defeat addictions snare. Only God can change anyone of us.
SPIRITUAL MISSING LINK AMONG NARCISSIST'S
Ryan lead a double life of sin filled pleasure. He was a Christian war hero by day, and an evil deviant by night. He had all the nine criteria of narcissism listed above, with the addition of one more, "A lack of fear concerning God's wrath." Which the Bible states, "Is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom." Proverbs 1:7, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline." God is love. God is Holy. He is also our heavenly Father. *As such, in love He disciplines His children (Hebrews 12:5-12).
* For additional educational - Biblical knowledge concerning Christ's discipline, please visit our website page titled: "EGO AND THE FLESH WITHIN"
From the pen of Charles Spurgeon we read, "When the life of grace first begins in the soul we do indeed draw closer to God but it is with great fear and trembling. A soul who has become aware of his guilt, and who truly has been humbled by it, is overwhelmed by the sacredness of his new position in God's grace, and is brought down to earth by an awareness of the grandeur of Jehovah in whose presence he now stands. Thus, with true humility the soul seeks the lowest or most humble place. Although a true believer will never forget the sacredness of his new position, and will never lose the sense of the holy awe surrounding it, his on going walk with Christ causes the earlier feelings of fear and terror to subside. As a Christian grows in grace his fear of being in the very presence of the God who can create or destroy becomes more of a holy reverence, and is no longer an overshadowing dread. As he matures he is called 'to a better place' - a place of greater access to God in Christ Jesus.'"
THE NARCISSIST LIVES A LIFE WITHOUT EMPATHY
A narcissist lives in his own "grandious" little world. Though grandiose, some of these individuals react to criticism or frustration with bouts of rage or humiliation (Gramzow & Tangney, 1992). Others may react with cold indifference (Messer, 1985). Narcissistic Personality Disorder is one of the most difficult personality problems to treat (Lawrence, 1987). With a lifestyle that requires constant attention, admiration, power, control, pleasure, want, desire, and self fulfillment. When involved with a narcissist, you are an object. Nothing more...nothing less.
Psychodynamic theorists more than others have theorized the onset of narcissistic personality disorder, begins with cold, rejecting parents (Abnormal Psychology, Fifth Edition, Ronald J. Comer, Chapter 16, Page 501). They argue that people with this background spend their lives defending against feeling unsatisfied, rejected, unworthy, and wary of the world (Wink, 1996). Less than 1 percent of adults display narcissistic personality disorder, up to 75 percent of them men (Mattia & Zimmerman, 2001; APA, 2000).
I knew a man who onced asked me if looking at playboy magazines was the same as looking/viewing pornography. "Why of course," I replied. " For both are viewed promoting the objectification of women, in order to fill a lack within your own heart, mind, and soul. Why does a man or woman have such a lack? Because they are not tender in heart, to feel the Holy Spirit's conviction, preferring to feed their own ego and fleshly desires. Their lack is motivated by greed, loneliness, depression, addiction, the list is as long and wide as their needs attest to. So is true of the many women and young girls, who pose and expose their naked bodies. They are searching for satisfaction from the world without. When at the true source of their hearts core, is a longing for God.
When one is internally compete in spiritual union with our Holy Father, there is no such lack. Nor is there anyway they could or would view another human soul as an object. When you change the way you look at people, animals, nature, things....the people, animals, nature, and things you look at change. Your world view is not centered upon self, it is centered upon God, and His word, will, and ways. To truly know God...is to love Him. To love God, is to love and empathize with others. Which is why we are instructed by God to, "Feed my sheep," (John 21:17). Any method of control or deception over another holds a degree of narcissism within its scheme and theme. This includes the sex trade, occult methods of magick, hypnosis - mind control, *spiritual deception within the church and politics, the workplace, etc...
* Reference our website: www.xxxhisway.com , for Synthia Esther's report concerning Preachers, Clergy, Priests, and Politician sex addicts making the news.
Daniel Goleman writes about the sociopath (another dimension of evil within many narcissists), lack of empathy in his book, "Emotional Intelligence - Why it can matter more than IQ," Bantom Books, page 106-107:
"The blotting out of empathy as these people inflict damage on victims is almost always part of an emotional cycle that precipitates their cruel acts. Witness the emotional sequence that typically leads to a sex crime such as child molestation. The cycle begins with the molester feeling upset: angry, depressed, lonely. These sentiments might be *triggered by, say, watching happy couples on TV, and then feeling depressed about being alone. The molester then seeks solace in a favored fantasy, typically about a warm friendship with a child, the fantasy becomes sexual and ends in masturbation. Afterward, the molester feels a temporary relief from the sadness, but the relief is short-lived; the depression and loneliness return even more strongly.
"The molester begins to think about acting out the fantasy, telling himself justifications like 'I'm not doing any real harm if the child is not physically hurt' and 'If a child really didn't want to have sex with me, she could stop it.' At this point the molester is seeing the child through the lens of the perverted fantasy, not with empathy for what a real child would feel in the situation. That emotional detachment characterizes everything that follows, from the ensuing plan to get a child alone, to the careful rehearsal of what will happen, and then the execution of the plan. All of it is pursued as though the child involved had no feelings of her own; instead the molester projects on her the cooperative attitude of the child in his fantasy. Her feelings - revulsion, fear, disgust - do not register. If they did, it would 'ruin' things for the molester." "Psychopaths are also glib liars, willing to say anything to get what they want, and they manipulate their victims' emotions with the same cynicism,"(page 108).
* Synthia Esther's Note:
The same is true concerning the cycling pattern of addiction. A common A.A 12 Step acronym is the word "H.A.L.T.," which stands to remind the addict of trigger's due to being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. The addiction will always take precedence over anything and anyone within the addicts life. The simplest trigger can manifest an alternate personality, and an alternate means of escape from reality within an addicts heart, in order to assure the satisfaction and longing of their drug of choice.
Narcissistic Sex Addicts:
Havelock Ellis, an English sexologist, used the term "naricissus-like" (1898), noting an excessive habit of masturbation, as the person views themselves as their own sex object. Otto Rank is said to have published (1911), the first psychoanalytical paper specifically concerned with narcissism, linking it to vanity and self-admiration, (Millo Million, Theodore, Personality Disorders in Modern Life, 2004.)
"Sexual narcissism has been described as an egocentric pattern of sexual behavior that involves both low self-esteem and an inflated sense of sexual ability and sexual entitlement. In addiction, sexual narcissism is the erotic preoccupation with oneself as a superb lover through a desire to merge sexually with a mirror image of oneself. Sexual narcissism, coined by David Farley Hulbert, is an intimacy dysfunction in which sexual exploits are pursued, generally in the form of extramarital affairs, to overcompensate for low self-esteem and an inability to experience true intimacy. This behavioral pattern is believed to be more common in men than in women and has been tied to domestic violence in men and sexual coercion in couples. Hurlbert argues that sex is a natural biological given and therefore cannot be deemed as an addiction. He and his colleagues assert that any sexual addiction is nothing more than a misnomer for what is actually sexual narcissism or sexual compulsivity," (Wikpedia).
HEALTHY PEOPLE REACT TO A NARCISSISTIC PERSON WITH REVULSION
Dr. M. Scott Peck writes in his book, "People Of The Lie - The Hope For Healing Human Evil," (page 65), "The feeling that a healthy person often experiences in a relationship with an evil one is revulsion. The feeling of revulsion may be almost instant if the evil encountered is blatant. If the evil is more subtle, the revulsion may develop only gradually as the relationship with the evil one slowly deepens."
Dr. Peck continues to describe what this revulsion process feels like , "Revulsion is a powerful emotion that causes us to immediately want to avoid, to escape, the revolting presence. And that is exactly the most appropriate thing for a healthy person to do under ordinary circumstances when confronted with an evil presence: to get away from it." My physical and emotional reaction towards Ryan's narcissistic doublelife of sin, caused maladies of internal nausea. While my spiritual core in his presence felt oppressed, and depressed. One's Holy Spiritual guidance and intuition, is a guiding factor to be sure. For our conscious mental signals and impressions are reacting to what our subconscious already knows.
* You can reference my testimony story concerning Ryan online: "Foolish Pleasure, The Love Story Of A Sex Addict, His Betrayal, And Crime," Addiction Subtab / on our free, addiction help and resource website: www.synthiaesther.com .
IS THERE A CURE FOR NARCISSISM?
Narcissim is a sin, plain and simple. As such, it is not an unpardonable sin. Cognitive therapists address attitudes of self-centered thinking, redirecting focus onto the opinions of others, interpret criticism more rationally, while increasing their ability to empathize, and change their all-or-nothing notions (Freeman, 2002; Beck & Freeman, 1990). No approach has yielded much success. Within an addicts A.A. 12 Step program, one would be encouraged to change their "Stinkin Thinkin." God's word has a more positive solution, as we read in Matthew 7:12, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."
"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God," (John 3:19-21). For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him," (John 3:17). "God is spirit, and His worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." (John 4:24).
Face personal introspection and transformation in the light of *God's love, and repent. "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mounrning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up," (James 4:7-10). "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." - Luke 14:11
Copyright - 2009-2015, Synthia Esther. All Rights Reserved.
* Jesus Christ Love's You (John 3:16-17). To learn more about God's grace, mercy, and love, and sin's salvation plan please visit our website page: "A FREE GIFT!"